As things continue to open up and sprint towards “normal again”, at least here in the U.S., I can’t help but feel like I should be joyous at all times. Don’t get me wrong, seeing friends and family and loved ones, some of whom I haven’t seen in nearly a year and half, has been exhilarating, refreshing, and all around joyful. Yet, at the same time, I feel an undercurrent of sadness, anger, and loss.

Maybe, you can relate. This past year and a half has been a cluster, to say the least. When I came across this article last week on NPR’s Life Kit blog called “The Importance of Mourning Losses (even when they seem small)” I felt an echo of understanding.

Kenneth Doka, a breavement expert, shares in this article that “The pandemic of COVID-19 will be followed by a pandemic of complicated grief, because so many losses are disenfranchised”.

The term ‘disenfranchised grief’ was new to me. It refers to the losses that aren’t acknowledged, the ones that society has deemed as ‘small’ but hold significance to you and your life. When I think back to this past year, there were so many family events and traditions that were simply not possible due to covid, and so many missed opportunities I feel the loss of deeply still.

Some days I just feel numb by this feeling of loss, of uncertainty that lingers, and an anxiety about the future. Other days, I feel a waterfall of emotions pouring out of me after spending time with family or friends I haven’t seen in what feels like forever.

The term that comes to mind for me in all of this is ‘post-traumatic growth’. I learn about ‘post-traumatic growth’ after going through a rough season earlier in life when I was in my 20’s. I can’t help but come back to this train of thought now.

Post-traumatic growth as defined by psychologist Dr. Tedeschi is when: “People develop new understandings of themselves, the world they live in, how to relate to other people, the kind of future they might have and a better understanding of how to live life”.

The OnBeing podcast has wonderfully thought-provoking interviews and is one of my personal favorites. Krista Tippett’s interview with Naomi Shihab Nye is one that I’ve kept coming back to lately. You can listen to it here. In it Naomi shares that she believes “all of us think in poems”; poetry is a form of conversation and allows us to view the world more closely, with greater attention and empathy.

Being in nature is one thing that really has helped me to stay feeling grounded this past year. I have been standing in awe of everything and the changing world as it becomes more alive again in the fullness of spring and the turn in to summer. In so many ways it feels as if we are on the brink of something new. I feel the last few lines of Shihab Nye’s poem “Jerusalem” encapsulate this state of our country and our world right now so perfectly as she shares:

There’s a place in this brain

where hate won’t grow.

I touch its riddle: wind, and seeds.

Something pokes us as we sleep.

It’s late but everything comes next.

It’s late, but everything comes next.

Everything comes next. This is what I’ve been meditating on. The world cannot go back to the way it once was before 2020. For all of us, our lives have been changed in countless ways over the course of this past year. I think there is a sense of grief and loss that lingers, even as we do return to some semblance of “normal”. And, at the same time, we are given this opportunity to embrace the new, and accept all that comes with it.

This past year has exposed what has not been working for so many for far too long: inadequate healthcare, inequitable access to housing and jobs, unaccountable policing. The effects of racism and white supremacy that has permeated our systems and ways of being for far too long.

What is next?

What can we do to co-create a more just world not just for some, but for everyone?

The Center for Action and Contemplation has daily reflections, and one of those I’ve continued come back to in the past year has been taken from an excerpt titled “From Innocence to Knowledge” written by the late theologian and mystic Rev. Howard Thurman’s book “The Inward Journey”. In it he shares, “To dwell in innocence is to inhabit a region where storms do not come and where all the breezes are gentle and balmy…It is to live in a static environment which makes upon the individual no demands other than to be.”

However, he goes on to describe the process of discovering new information and how unsettling it can be and at the same time deeply life-altering and transformative.

“But when knowledge comes, the whole world is turned upside down. The meaning of things begins to emerge. And more importantly, the relations between things are seen for the first time. Questions are asked and answers are sought. Struggle encourages as a way of life. An appetite is awakened that can never be satisified…This process of moving from innocence to knowledge is never finished. Always there is a realm of innocence, always there is some area of innocence untouched by knowledge. The more profound the growth of knowledge, the more aware the individual becomes of the dimensions of innocence. Pride in knowledge is always tempered by the dominion of innocence”. – Rev. Howard Thurman

I do believe each of us is called to moments of reflection and rest and at the same time given the choice to act and speak up, especially after new information, ideas, or knowledge is gained. When we learn something new, we can’t see the world through the same lens than we did previously; we must act, speak, shout, and do our part to see it be made better. Too often, I have not done my own part to do this work of speaking out against racial injustice due to fear of making mistakes or feeling ‘stuck’ or not being sure where to start. But, even one first step, one small action, can have a ripple effect.

I’m ending this blog with a blessing and a call to action, for myself included.

May you find balance and steadiness in this time of change and transition.

May you know yourself and not be afraid of your own voice.

May you know how infinitely loved, wonderful, and powerful you are.

May you not be afraid to take risks, step up, and speak out if you have the privilege to do so.

To learn more and take action towards one specific injustice impacting the climate and indigenous rights’ here in the U.S. visit this website: https://www.stopline3.org/

Be good to yourselves and to one another!